sadness
im listening to coldplay and just being extremely moody. i have stretch marks. how disguisting. i haven’t even had children. (although i have been asked that in the past..) i must save myself. gosh tomorrow is new years eve and i’m tearing up literally, tears rolling down my face and on my nose and onto my keyboard. can i NEVER be the hot sister? i know jealously has shown its ugly face again, but really i don’t know i’m just ashamed.
i can’t even wear the cute heels i bought because my mom has deemed them “too tall.” yes i am 5’11. yes i DO want to wear pretty shoes. they are really cute peep toe suede toe with a knot guess heels. sure they were like 4 in tall. but still. sometimes i really wish i could wear heels. one day, i will where no one will judge and i will walk on proudly. she has come to the conclusion that ‘how will i dance with guys if im so much taller then them’ STUPID polish men for not being taller. anyway this opens up a new discussion.
i replied back saying who is really going to dance with me. i mean in all honesty, everyone’s showing up with dates and i really really really am not expecting anyone to really dance with me. oh my gosh can this statement be any more LOW SELF ESTEEM. i need to get a grip on reality, but really i want to stop being so jealous. ah i just want to be hot, ONCE. as usual i have to peace out with the phrase, ‘rock what you got…’ i’ll work it. somehow.
tomorrow evening = should be good fun. i need to pretty myself up and just get ready and be confident.. in flats. it will be okay/// okay now i need to rest my head, as 6 am workout is beckoning with m. :-) i love going to lifetime. i just feel great everytime i walk out of there.
tomorrow night i’m gonna bust it baby.
n
